not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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