i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
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curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
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you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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