i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize