My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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