I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Pants are for mortals
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
