I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
