It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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