I just threw up on my dentist
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
