good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize