I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
