so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
