You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
