is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
