oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
