I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
