i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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