quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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