Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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