My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
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