I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
