They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
