This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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