Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Redeem this text for a blowjob
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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