Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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