He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
