I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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