Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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