can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
