blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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