I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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