My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
