Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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