SEEEEXXX PLEASE
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
