Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
