im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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