Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
