I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
