Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
why do cheetos always look like penises
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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