So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
