I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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