Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
