my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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