I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
