a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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