Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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