i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
