There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
