I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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