farters have to be the big spoon...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
