If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
love makes seman taste better
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
