Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
