there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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