Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You are the jesus of drinking
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
