I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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