Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
