New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
