Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You made out with two different species that night
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
